For His Glory

Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him.” John 9:3

I don’t know about you, but I am a perfectionist by nature. If I’m going to do something, I want it to be the very best. And if it isn’t, well, I’m probably going to cry, be sick to my stomach, and feel like a total failure at everything (because of course, that one mess up is a reflection of my whole life). I know it’s completely illogical, but that’s how my mind works.

Rewind to almost thirteen years ago, I was a pregnant, unmarried, recent college graduate. My ex-husband and I had a shotgun wedding. As we walked through this pregnancy, we found out our baby had little chance of survival because I had very little amniotic fluid. I remember asking a lady that I admired to pray for my baby. She looked at me and told me that I was going through this because of my sin. Man, that stung, and I never looked at her the same again. I never asked her to pray again or shared my pain. And I took her words to heart.

Fast forward 34 weeks later and my 4lb 7oz baby girl was born and took her first breath and cried. Something the doctors said wouldn’t happen. She spent three weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) before coming home. My 12 year old daughter still deals with some issues, but God healed her lungs. And I believe He still has great things in store for her. Although, I still struggle with what I could have done differently.

Since her birth I’ve had another daughter, remarried, and had a son. This past January, my son was diagnosed with autism. I’ve spent the last year home with him, and I knew something wasn’t right. But to hear the diagnosis was a punch in the gut. All the what if’s came flooding my mind. What if I read to him more? What if I had gotten speech sooner? What if we did more puzzles or more crafts? What if I was a better mom? What did I do wrong?

And that was the one question that I’ve asked myself since the first ultrasound with my precious Olivia. What did I do wrong? You see, I have told myself my whole life that if I were just better it wouldn’t be this way, so and so will love me, my kids will be fine, ________________. I think so many of us can fill in that blank.

But spending time in the Word has opened my eyes. There are consequences to my sins, no doubt. However, not every bad thing that we encounter is a punishment from God. Sometimes, He wants His glory to shine. Sometimes, He wants us to cling tight to Him. I sat in the hospital for six weeks waiting for Olivia to be born, and I read more of the Bible than I ever had. I found myself clinging to the only thing that could sustain me, and God did a miracle in that child.

Second Corinthians 12:9 says, “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ May rest upon me.” Whatever you’re walking through today, give it all to God. Trust His plan, and let His glory shine through your situation.

Genesis 50:20 says, “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”