I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. Psalms 139:14
As I sat watching my three year old play in the bathtub after washing him, tears began to well into my eyes. Thoughts flooded my mind that even make me feel guilty for thinking. Why can’t my son just be “normal”? What did I do wrong? Why can’t I “fix” him?
And then in almost an audible voice I heard, Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It was in that moment that I realized how selfish my thoughts had been. Of course I want him to be like everyone else. Who doesn’t love to brag on their kids? I absolutely feel like it’s a reflection of my parenting. But you know what? It’s not. Not one bit.
This child has been loved on, spoiled, doted on, read to, and had every other “right” thing done for him. Still, yesterday we found ourselves in a long evaluation with a child psychologist and developmental pediatrician for this little boy. I watched as he became frustrated over things he couldn’t do or things he didn’t understand. My heart broke for him and even writing this, it does now. I don’t want him to struggle. I don’t want things to be so hard for him. It doesn’t seem fair and yet here we are.
After an hour and a half of evaluations, we came home to sit in a meeting about our sweet Witten to get the results of his testing with the school system. Looking at his deficits hits you in the gut all over again. Still, I knew we were doing the right thing.
Sitting by that bathtub tonight, my focus began to shift. I started to think about how happy my little boy is. He loves to laugh and play and is quite the little jokester. I began to think of how healthy he is. Besides some eczema and food allergies, he’s hardly ever sick. I thought about how sweet he is. He loves to give hugs and kisses to people. He always asks if we’re “otay” when something happens. I began to shift my focus.
There could be so many other things going on with him. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for. I know God has big plans for Witten, and I choose to stand on that promise!