Author: Emilydvsn

But You, O LORD, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the LORD with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill. Psalms 3:3

Lately my family and I have been going through some stuff. It feels like one thing after another has bombarded us. First, our house flooded from a water leak. We had to pack up our whole house to move into a hotel room for two weeks. Yep, that’s right. All five of us jammed into a tiny hotel room for two weeks.

After making it through that and moving back in, our daughter had total hip replacement surgery. So we’re still not settled from the flood, and Olivia and I head to Nashville alone for this surgery because Covid of course. This was her fifth hip surgery and nothing like the others. The first night was horrible. She cried out in pain all night, and I sat praying bedside helpless. We’re now home, and she’s doing great. But recovery is no walk in the park. There are still lots of things she can’t do alone because she can’t put weight on that leg for six weeks and so she can’t be left alone.

Then we’ve just been experiencing some drama. Somethings that we’ve really had to sort through. Deep hurts and offenses. And all of these things have fallen into my life that was already a bit of a struggle in the first place due to a son with special needs and a job I’m unhappy in. So through all of this, I’ve cried out to God saying, please no more. I can’t take it.

I have literally felt as though I’m drowning, and I’ve had to shift my focus. Because if we focus on the storm and the waves, we do drown. Hebrews 12:1-2 says, “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

It’s so easy to give up when life seems to be crushing you from every side, but we have to keep our eyes on Jesus. He is the author and finisher of our faith. Philippians 1:6 tells us, “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” No matter what I’m facing today, there is a reason. God is constantly working on us. Through trials we can either become better or bitter. If we constantly keep our eyes on our circumstances, we will definitely become bitter. We will always be asking why. On the other hand, if we keep our eyes on Him, we will become better. We will use our time in trials as growth.

It is a choice, and I know there are times I’ve failed at choosing to look at my Savior. I know, however, that the only way to keep making it through is to fix my eyes on the only One who can bring change and can bring peace. I pray that today if you are struggling with anything that you fix your eyes on Jesus.

It is Well Bethel Music

So the Lord’s anger was aroused against Israel, and He made them wander in the wilderness forty years, until all the generation that had done evil in the Lord was gone. Numbers 32:13

The older I get the more I understand and relate to the Israelites. Just me? Okay. I get it. I can remember reading through my Bible and thinking they were complete idiots. Yeah, I know, kinda harsh, but I mean, God not only parted the sea once, but TWICE! (Exodus 14:21; Joshua 3:15-16) God provided for their needs, manna from heaven and their clothes didn’t wear out. So many times, God took care of His people, and yet they still forgot.

Relating a little more now? I know I do. So many times I forget how good God has been to me. I go through the motions of my faith without having any faith. And that’s where I’ve been lately.

It’s been a dry season. There’s not one thing in particular I could point to, except 2020 has been a trying year. Our church has been going through a lot, and when they decided to do a Bible study last night about hope, I didn’t want to go. Sometimes, in those moments of needing hope the most, we begin to shut it out and push it away. It took everything in me to go, and I’m glad I did.

Sometimes just talking about things and remembering God’s faithfulness can begin to give us hope. So many times as our test comes full circle into our testimony, we forget God’s faithfulness as we encounter a new test. And that’s where I am. I’ve forgotten.

I’ve forgotten that God healed Olivia who was never supposed to be born alive. I was promised by man she would be stillborn, but God gave her life!

I’ve forgotten that even when things looked bleak in my finances, God always provided.

I’ve forgotten that I am blessed with so much more than I need.

I’ve forgotten that God has restored my past, and He is using my present.

I’ve forgotten that Jesus bore it all on the cross for me.

I’ve forgotten.

Plain and simple. I’ve forgotten. I’ve forgotten His goodness in my life and through my circumstances. I’ve looked to other things to fix the situation or make me feel better. I’ve prayed meaningless prayers, and set my thoughts on things of the world.

Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”

So today, I choose to change my thought process. I choose to set my thoughts on things of the Lord. I choose to remember. I choose to remember His goodness, faithfulness, and trustworthiness. I choose to remember.

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Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Do you ever just cringe when you think about your past? Especially when those specific moments come up and you think, “How dumb could I be?”. No? Just me? Okay, well, it really gets me, and this morning some of those moments came flooding back, but instead of staying stuck on those, God reminded meHe can still use me.

Now, despite my past mistakes, I consider myself fairly knowledgeable when it comes to the Bible. I spent my childhood in church every time the doors were opened and even went to a Christian school through junior high and most of high school. In my adulthood, I’ve done numerous Bible studies, and I’ve read through the Bible several times. I definitely have the gist of the story down. So when I began a new Bible study by Angie Smith called Seamless, I started to question if I needed to continue with it.

The whole study of Seamless takes you from creation to the end of the story to show you how the whole Bible works together. After my first session, I was ready to peace out. I mean, I know how this all works out and how God has his hand in it the whole time, but then I heard God whisper, “I want to teach you something. You don’t know it all.”*

So, I soldiered on, and I’m so glad I did. These last few days we’ve been discussing Jacob, Isaac’s younger son. He was something, let me tell you. In Genesis 25:29-34 we see where Jacob tricked his brother, Esau, out of his birthright. Then just a couple of chapters over in Genesis 27:18-29, Jacob deceives his father to get Esau’s blessing. Fast forward several years in Genesis 32:22-32, Jacob wrestles with God. During this time God changed who he was and in doing so, changed his name to Israel.

I say all this to say that God can change you and me. He used Jacob to lead a nation. He and his descendants became Israel, God’s chosen people. He can take who you and I are, and He can change us. He can take the name you have (failure, adulterer, cheat, addict, liar, deceiver) and He can give you a new name (child of God, redeemed, loved, friend of God, protected, strong, bold).

I’m so glad I’m not who I was before. I’m thankful He has given me a new name and continues to change me daily.

Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him.” John 9:3

I don’t know about you, but I am a perfectionist by nature. If I’m going to do something, I want it to be the very best. And if it isn’t, well, I’m probably going to cry, be sick to my stomach, and feel like a total failure at everything (because of course, that one mess up is a reflection of my whole life). I know it’s completely illogical, but that’s how my mind works.

Rewind to almost thirteen years ago, I was a pregnant, unmarried, recent college graduate. My ex-husband and I had a shotgun wedding. As we walked through this pregnancy, we found out our baby had little chance of survival because I had very little amniotic fluid. I remember asking a lady that I admired to pray for my baby. She looked at me and told me that I was going through this because of my sin. Man, that stung, and I never looked at her the same again. I never asked her to pray again or shared my pain. And I took her words to heart.

Fast forward 34 weeks later and my 4lb 7oz baby girl was born and took her first breath and cried. Something the doctors said wouldn’t happen. She spent three weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) before coming home. My 12 year old daughter still deals with some issues, but God healed her lungs. And I believe He still has great things in store for her. Although, I still struggle with what I could have done differently.

Since her birth I’ve had another daughter, remarried, and had a son. This past January, my son was diagnosed with autism. I’ve spent the last year home with him, and I knew something wasn’t right. But to hear the diagnosis was a punch in the gut. All the what if’s came flooding my mind. What if I read to him more? What if I had gotten speech sooner? What if we did more puzzles or more crafts? What if I was a better mom? What did I do wrong?

And that was the one question that I’ve asked myself since the first ultrasound with my precious Olivia. What did I do wrong? You see, I have told myself my whole life that if I were just better it wouldn’t be this way, so and so will love me, my kids will be fine, ________________. I think so many of us can fill in that blank.

But spending time in the Word has opened my eyes. There are consequences to my sins, no doubt. However, not every bad thing that we encounter is a punishment from God. Sometimes, He wants His glory to shine. Sometimes, He wants us to cling tight to Him. I sat in the hospital for six weeks waiting for Olivia to be born, and I read more of the Bible than I ever had. I found myself clinging to the only thing that could sustain me, and God did a miracle in that child.

Second Corinthians 12:9 says, “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ May rest upon me.” Whatever you’re walking through today, give it all to God. Trust His plan, and let His glory shine through your situation.

Genesis 50:20 says, “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

I don’t know about you,but sometimes I just need a good cry and to wallow in my own self pity. Last night, I was full of it. I was upset about Witten and determined that of course I caused his autism. I was nervous about an interview I have today, I was mad about something that happened when the girls were at their dad’s.

I slumped into my bedroom floor crying and feeling sorry for myself. Of course, my husband came in the room. He quoted the Scripture above. He was right, even though I didn’t want to admit it.

How often do we tear ourselves down with things that aren’t even true? How often do we let the devil tell us lies about ourselves? For me, more me than I want to admit. But God tells us something different. God tells us truth and tells us to speak truth. Proverbs 12:17 says, “He who speaks truth declares righteousness, but a false witness, deceit.”

So many times we see verses like the one above and only think it applies to others, but we have to know who we are in Christ and speak those truths over our lives.

In Mark 3:35, Jesus says, “For whoever does the will of God is My brother and My sister and mother.”

Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

Romans 8:2 says, “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”

1 Corinthians 2:16 says, “For ‘who has known the mind of the LORD that he may instruct him?’ But we have the mind of Christ.”

Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

These verses only touch the tip of who we are in Christ. I encourage you today to search the Scripture to know who you are in Christ. I encourage you to speak those over your life. I choose to speak life today.

We went to a drive-by birthday party today. The family was standing on the front lawn eagerly waiting their “guests”. Dozens of cars lined the street. Some had balloons and signs on their cars. Others had little kids hanging out of sunroofs and windows. Horns honked and gifts were passed through windows. The look on the faces of that family glowed with joy.

As we passed our present along and said our “Happy Birthday”, tears ran down my cheeks. Not at the sadness of the situation, though. Of course it would be great to all be together, eating cake, and watching our kids play. But I cried, instead, of what we had taken for granted and how we were all coming together for this family. In the normal everyday of our lives, I took gatherings like this for granted or more simply disliked them. I found every reason not to attend and rather sent a present later. But today was different.

Today I realized that I don’t want normal. I don’t want things to go back to the way they were before. I don’t want the hustle and bustle and busyness that we take for granted. I want to take time to put together puzzles with my kids and teach them a new game. I want to dance around the house to their favorite songs. I want to teach them to cook more.

I’m not saying this quarantine is all fun and games. I’ve cried my fair share. Okay, probably lots more. My kids are never gone and we’ve butted heads more than once. And my husband, is also off work and today we argued about where he decided to hide the aforementioned present. We’ve all driven each other crazy to say the least. But we’ve connected more than ever. We’ve created movie night. We’ve done science experiments. We’ve stayed up until midnight playing games.

We’re also learning a lot throughout all of this. Not just the fact that I can’t get bread to rise 🤦‍♀️. No, we’re learning family and friends are so important. We’re learning to bless people in simple ways. We’re learning that stressing ourselves over schoolwork isn’t going to help. It will be there tomorrow. We’re learning to enjoy one another more.

So, I don’t want normal back. I don’t want to take things for granted that I did before. I want to enjoy my life with my family instead of everything always being a chore. The mess will still be there in the morning. I’m choosing to enjoy this time while I can. It won’t last forever. I hope you’ll take the time to enjoy this time as well. ❤️

As I scrolled through Facebook this last, posts are mixed with humor and anxiousness. It’s an uncertain time in our world right now, and feelings are all over the place. People are being forced to stay home who otherwise are always on the go. Trust me, I fully realize how quickly cabin fever can set in, especially in my tiny 1200 square foot home. But I wanted to take the time to share some things with you that I’ve learned over the past year of being at home.

1. Give yourself some grace. I’ve seen so many people fretting about homeschooling their children and having their children home for an extended period of time. Lots of people home aren’t prepared to educate their children. Momma, you’re doing great. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Do what you can do and enjoy your babies. And if life gets too tough, it’s okay for them to play in their rooms alone. Kids need to be able to entertain themselves. Don’t feel like you need to schedule every minute of their day.

2. Get outside. If there’s one thing that can snap me out of cabin fever quickly, it’s outside. Unfortunately I live in the south where it has rained for months. I have, however, tried to take every advantage of sunlight. Go for a walk, blow bubbles with the kids, or just sit outside. Trust me, it will make you (and your kids) feel so much better.

3. Clean up. There’s just something about a messy house that can make me so depressed. Then it becomes a vicious cycle of depression and not wanting to clean. Sometimes you just have to pull yourself together and clean up. Trust me, you will feel better!

4. Take care of yourself. I am the world’s worst at self care. Quarantine life is my norm and it seems if no one sees me that it doesn’t matter, but it does. It makes you feel good when you take care of yourself. Shave those legs, workout, put on some makeup, do that face mask. You will feel better.

5. Relax. I saved this for last for a reason. Sometimes I can relax too much, and I start to feel yucky. I did it yesterday. But that doesn’t mean there’s not a place for it. Rent a movie, catch up on your favorite show, play a board game, enjoy your family, and relax.

I hope this helps you get through this time. If you have any suggestions, drop the, in the comments. I’d love to hear from you!

The other night Ann Elizabeth sat in the bed with me after her bath. I wasn’t feeling great, and she just wanted to snuggle. As she climbed in, she said something that only today struck me. She told me that she sometimes moves over in her bed to make room for Jesus in case He wants to sit down. She then proceeded to move closer to me leaving plenty of room in the bed and patted the mattress indicating He should sit down.

This morning after waking up, starting my coffee, and scrolling through Facebook, that conversation came back to me like a flood. In the midst of all that’s going on in our world today, are we making room for Jesus? No, we don’t have to scoot over in the bed, but we might need to physically and spiritually move some things out of our way. You might need to get up earlier so your house is quiet. You might need to get away from your kids for awhile.

These times are uncertain in our world right now, but Hebrews 13:8 tells us that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” When your heart gets anxious and worry starts to creep in, remember Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” We have to trust in Jesus when our hearts are heavy.

So I challenge you today to make room for Jesus however that looks in your life. Make room for Him to come in and calm the storm in your heart. Make room to talk to Him and read His Word. There’s no better time than today!

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

I read a tweet this morning that spoke so deeply to me. Now, if you know me at all, you know I’m not a Twitter fan. I spend most of my time on there sharing this blog and checking notifications. But this tweet was there when I first opened it.

Read that again. So many times on this Christian walk everybody thinks life should just be a walk in the park, but it’s not. Sometimes we walk through things because we need to grow closer to Him. I know every time I’ve had to walk through a difficulty, my faith has grown stronger. In those moments, we finally turn in our desperation to the only One who can turn things around. And sometimes He calms those storms, and other times He just calms us.

We used to sign this song at church when I was younger that mentioned refiner’s fire. It was a pretty song, and I never really thought about the lyrics. Those lyrics come from Scripture.

But He knows the way that I take: When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold. Job 23:10

The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the hearts. Proverbs 17:3

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:6-7

These three verses tell us that we will be put to the fire. So many times we think the fire is bad. Trust me, I know it hurts, but we have to walk through the fire. Gold is put in the fire to rid it of its impurities. We have to walk through the fire just the same way. God can’t rid us of impurities if life is always easy. When life is easy, we have a tendency to not need our Savior as much, but when life is hard, we realize He’s the only One who can see us through.

If you’re walking through something tough today, I encourage you to turn to Jesus. Trust His plan. James 1:2-3 tells us, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” His plan is bigger than yours and He will see you through!

When Abram was ninety nine years old, the LORD appeared to Abram and said to him, “I am Almighty God; walk before me and be blameless.” Genesis 17:1

I have spent the whole week trying to put into words how my heart feels. On Monday, Thomas, Witten, and I drove to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital to receive the results of Witten’s developmental testing. After spending the last eight months home with him, I was certain I was prepared for his diagnosis, but nothing can prepare you for the label.

Witten was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Hearing those words stung my heart and I couldn’t stop the tears. The nurse practitioner went on to assure us that it wasn’t severe and gave us all kinds of resources. As we left that day, I even felt better.

But this week has been hard.

No matter how much my head knows that it’s just a label and we are doing everything we can to help him, my heart doesn’t want to accept it. I mourn for normalcy for my little boy. I mourn for normalcy of his young little life.

But then I am reminded of the God I serve. In the verse above, He reveals Himself to Moses as El Shaddai the LORD God Almighty. Hebrews 13:8 tells me, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” So the same God who revealed Himself to Moses is the same God I serve. He is the Lord Almighty.

He is in control of this situation, and He is walking with me through it all. No, it’s not what I want for my son, but God has allowed His people to walk through things that they didn’t want since the beginning of time. I don’t understand it all, but I know He is an awesome God, and He will see us through it all.

I am choosing to trust Him on this journey as hard as it may be. I am choosing to serve Him even in this storm. No matter what you are facing today, you can bring it to your Savior. He is the Lord Almighty and will see you through.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28