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Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

I don’t know about you,but sometimes I just need a good cry and to wallow in my own self pity. Last night, I was full of it. I was upset about Witten and determined that of course I caused his autism. I was nervous about an interview I have today, I was mad about something that happened when the girls were at their dad’s.

I slumped into my bedroom floor crying and feeling sorry for myself. Of course, my husband came in the room. He quoted the Scripture above. He was right, even though I didn’t want to admit it.

How often do we tear ourselves down with things that aren’t even true? How often do we let the devil tell us lies about ourselves? For me, more me than I want to admit. But God tells us something different. God tells us truth and tells us to speak truth. Proverbs 12:17 says, “He who speaks truth declares righteousness, but a false witness, deceit.”

So many times we see verses like the one above and only think it applies to others, but we have to know who we are in Christ and speak those truths over our lives.

In Mark 3:35, Jesus says, “For whoever does the will of God is My brother and My sister and mother.”

Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

Romans 8:2 says, “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”

1 Corinthians 2:16 says, “For ‘who has known the mind of the LORD that he may instruct him?’ But we have the mind of Christ.”

Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

These verses only touch the tip of who we are in Christ. I encourage you today to search the Scripture to know who you are in Christ. I encourage you to speak those over your life. I choose to speak life today.

We went to a drive-by birthday party today. The family was standing on the front lawn eagerly waiting their “guests”. Dozens of cars lined the street. Some had balloons and signs on their cars. Others had little kids hanging out of sunroofs and windows. Horns honked and gifts were passed through windows. The look on the faces of that family glowed with joy.

As we passed our present along and said our “Happy Birthday”, tears ran down my cheeks. Not at the sadness of the situation, though. Of course it would be great to all be together, eating cake, and watching our kids play. But I cried, instead, of what we had taken for granted and how we were all coming together for this family. In the normal everyday of our lives, I took gatherings like this for granted or more simply disliked them. I found every reason not to attend and rather sent a present later. But today was different.

Today I realized that I don’t want normal. I don’t want things to go back to the way they were before. I don’t want the hustle and bustle and busyness that we take for granted. I want to take time to put together puzzles with my kids and teach them a new game. I want to dance around the house to their favorite songs. I want to teach them to cook more.

I’m not saying this quarantine is all fun and games. I’ve cried my fair share. Okay, probably lots more. My kids are never gone and we’ve butted heads more than once. And my husband, is also off work and today we argued about where he decided to hide the aforementioned present. We’ve all driven each other crazy to say the least. But we’ve connected more than ever. We’ve created movie night. We’ve done science experiments. We’ve stayed up until midnight playing games.

We’re also learning a lot throughout all of this. Not just the fact that I can’t get bread to rise 🤦‍♀️. No, we’re learning family and friends are so important. We’re learning to bless people in simple ways. We’re learning that stressing ourselves over schoolwork isn’t going to help. It will be there tomorrow. We’re learning to enjoy one another more.

So, I don’t want normal back. I don’t want to take things for granted that I did before. I want to enjoy my life with my family instead of everything always being a chore. The mess will still be there in the morning. I’m choosing to enjoy this time while I can. It won’t last forever. I hope you’ll take the time to enjoy this time as well. ❤️

As I scrolled through Facebook this last, posts are mixed with humor and anxiousness. It’s an uncertain time in our world right now, and feelings are all over the place. People are being forced to stay home who otherwise are always on the go. Trust me, I fully realize how quickly cabin fever can set in, especially in my tiny 1200 square foot home. But I wanted to take the time to share some things with you that I’ve learned over the past year of being at home.

1. Give yourself some grace. I’ve seen so many people fretting about homeschooling their children and having their children home for an extended period of time. Lots of people home aren’t prepared to educate their children. Momma, you’re doing great. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Do what you can do and enjoy your babies. And if life gets too tough, it’s okay for them to play in their rooms alone. Kids need to be able to entertain themselves. Don’t feel like you need to schedule every minute of their day.

2. Get outside. If there’s one thing that can snap me out of cabin fever quickly, it’s outside. Unfortunately I live in the south where it has rained for months. I have, however, tried to take every advantage of sunlight. Go for a walk, blow bubbles with the kids, or just sit outside. Trust me, it will make you (and your kids) feel so much better.

3. Clean up. There’s just something about a messy house that can make me so depressed. Then it becomes a vicious cycle of depression and not wanting to clean. Sometimes you just have to pull yourself together and clean up. Trust me, you will feel better!

4. Take care of yourself. I am the world’s worst at self care. Quarantine life is my norm and it seems if no one sees me that it doesn’t matter, but it does. It makes you feel good when you take care of yourself. Shave those legs, workout, put on some makeup, do that face mask. You will feel better.

5. Relax. I saved this for last for a reason. Sometimes I can relax too much, and I start to feel yucky. I did it yesterday. But that doesn’t mean there’s not a place for it. Rent a movie, catch up on your favorite show, play a board game, enjoy your family, and relax.

I hope this helps you get through this time. If you have any suggestions, drop the, in the comments. I’d love to hear from you!

The other night Ann Elizabeth sat in the bed with me after her bath. I wasn’t feeling great, and she just wanted to snuggle. As she climbed in, she said something that only today struck me. She told me that she sometimes moves over in her bed to make room for Jesus in case He wants to sit down. She then proceeded to move closer to me leaving plenty of room in the bed and patted the mattress indicating He should sit down.

This morning after waking up, starting my coffee, and scrolling through Facebook, that conversation came back to me like a flood. In the midst of all that’s going on in our world today, are we making room for Jesus? No, we don’t have to scoot over in the bed, but we might need to physically and spiritually move some things out of our way. You might need to get up earlier so your house is quiet. You might need to get away from your kids for awhile.

These times are uncertain in our world right now, but Hebrews 13:8 tells us that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” When your heart gets anxious and worry starts to creep in, remember Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” We have to trust in Jesus when our hearts are heavy.

So I challenge you today to make room for Jesus however that looks in your life. Make room for Him to come in and calm the storm in your heart. Make room to talk to Him and read His Word. There’s no better time than today!

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

I read a tweet this morning that spoke so deeply to me. Now, if you know me at all, you know I’m not a Twitter fan. I spend most of my time on there sharing this blog and checking notifications. But this tweet was there when I first opened it.

Read that again. So many times on this Christian walk everybody thinks life should just be a walk in the park, but it’s not. Sometimes we walk through things because we need to grow closer to Him. I know every time I’ve had to walk through a difficulty, my faith has grown stronger. In those moments, we finally turn in our desperation to the only One who can turn things around. And sometimes He calms those storms, and other times He just calms us.

We used to sign this song at church when I was younger that mentioned refiner’s fire. It was a pretty song, and I never really thought about the lyrics. Those lyrics come from Scripture.

But He knows the way that I take: When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold. Job 23:10

The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the hearts. Proverbs 17:3

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:6-7

These three verses tell us that we will be put to the fire. So many times we think the fire is bad. Trust me, I know it hurts, but we have to walk through the fire. Gold is put in the fire to rid it of its impurities. We have to walk through the fire just the same way. God can’t rid us of impurities if life is always easy. When life is easy, we have a tendency to not need our Savior as much, but when life is hard, we realize He’s the only One who can see us through.

If you’re walking through something tough today, I encourage you to turn to Jesus. Trust His plan. James 1:2-3 tells us, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” His plan is bigger than yours and He will see you through!

When Abram was ninety nine years old, the LORD appeared to Abram and said to him, “I am Almighty God; walk before me and be blameless.” Genesis 17:1

I have spent the whole week trying to put into words how my heart feels. On Monday, Thomas, Witten, and I drove to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital to receive the results of Witten’s developmental testing. After spending the last eight months home with him, I was certain I was prepared for his diagnosis, but nothing can prepare you for the label.

Witten was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Hearing those words stung my heart and I couldn’t stop the tears. The nurse practitioner went on to assure us that it wasn’t severe and gave us all kinds of resources. As we left that day, I even felt better.

But this week has been hard.

No matter how much my head knows that it’s just a label and we are doing everything we can to help him, my heart doesn’t want to accept it. I mourn for normalcy for my little boy. I mourn for normalcy of his young little life.

But then I am reminded of the God I serve. In the verse above, He reveals Himself to Moses as El Shaddai the LORD God Almighty. Hebrews 13:8 tells me, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” So the same God who revealed Himself to Moses is the same God I serve. He is the Lord Almighty.

He is in control of this situation, and He is walking with me through it all. No, it’s not what I want for my son, but God has allowed His people to walk through things that they didn’t want since the beginning of time. I don’t understand it all, but I know He is an awesome God, and He will see us through it all.

I am choosing to trust Him on this journey as hard as it may be. I am choosing to serve Him even in this storm. No matter what you are facing today, you can bring it to your Savior. He is the Lord Almighty and will see you through.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth. John 4:23-24

As I stood in service Sunday worshiping the Lord, I heard Him speak to me. Worship isn’t just for Sundays. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m pretty good about getting up and studying the Word and praying. I even have the occasional moment of worship listening to a song on the radio. But when is the last time I stopped to just spend time worshiping the Lord?

The Scriptures above came to me, and for the first time I really heard what He was saying. Never does He say that we will be true studiers. Romans 14:11 says, “For it is written: As I live, says the LORD, every knee shall bow to Me, And every tongue shall confess to God.” He doesn’t say everyone will sit and read the Word. He simply says everyone will recognize Him as the true One to worship.

Now, don’t get me wrong. You need to read the Word. 2 Timothy 2:15 says, “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” The King James Version says, “Study to shew thyself approved unto God”. Psalm 119:11 says, “Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You.” We have to know the Word. We have to study the Word. But we have to make time for worship as well.

I think of it in comparison to my marriage. I can know everything about my husband, and I can even talk to him everyday, but if I never show him any adoration or praise for anything, our relationship won’t be that great. And let’s just be honest, if it were the other way around, we would be quite fed up. I don’t know about you, but I like to be told good things about myself. Even just a compliment on dinner can boost my confidence.

Now, God doesn’t need our worship or praise to boost His self esteem, but hasn’t He done so much more than be a good husband or wife? Doesn’t He deserve so much more than what we give to those around us? I think so. I was convicted in Sunday morning worship. Won’t you make a conscious effort with me to spend time each day worshipping the Lord? Let’s worship in spirit and truth!

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. Psalms 139:14

As I sat watching my three year old play in the bathtub after washing him, tears began to well into my eyes. Thoughts flooded my mind that even make me feel guilty for thinking. Why can’t my son just be “normal”? What did I do wrong? Why can’t I “fix” him?

And then in almost an audible voice I heard, Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It was in that moment that I realized how selfish my thoughts had been. Of course I want him to be like everyone else. Who doesn’t love to brag on their kids? I absolutely feel like it’s a reflection of my parenting. But you know what? It’s not. Not one bit.

This child has been loved on, spoiled, doted on, read to, and had every other “right” thing done for him. Still, yesterday we found ourselves in a long evaluation with a child psychologist and developmental pediatrician for this little boy. I watched as he became frustrated over things he couldn’t do or things he didn’t understand. My heart broke for him and even writing this, it does now. I don’t want him to struggle. I don’t want things to be so hard for him. It doesn’t seem fair and yet here we are.

After an hour and a half of evaluations, we came home to sit in a meeting about our sweet Witten to get the results of his testing with the school system. Looking at his deficits hits you in the gut all over again. Still, I knew we were doing the right thing.

Sitting by that bathtub tonight, my focus began to shift. I started to think about how happy my little boy is. He loves to laugh and play and is quite the little jokester. I began to think of how healthy he is. Besides some eczema and food allergies, he’s hardly ever sick. I thought about how sweet he is. He loves to give hugs and kisses to people. He always asks if we’re “otay” when something happens. I began to shift my focus.

There could be so many other things going on with him. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for. I know God has big plans for Witten, and I choose to stand on that promise!

The preacher said something Sunday that has really stuck with me. It was finally their year of victory, but the year didn’t start out that way. It was like an arrow straight to my heart.

Of course she was referencing the Israelites who had just wondered the wilderness for the last forty years. They were finally about to make it. God had made this promise many years earlier. Exodus 3:8 says, “So I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up from that land to a good and large land, to a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites and the Hittites and the Amorites and the Perizzites and the Hivites and the Jebusites.” Even after this promise from God, forty years later, they were still wondering.

Now these forty years weren’t just a wait on the Lord kind of thing. No, the Israelites had put themselves in this situation. They murmured and complained and quickly forgot all that God had done for them. In Exodus 32, they decided they should make their own god to worship because Moses was taking too long on the mountain talking to God. Only eighteen chapters earlier in Exodus 14, the Israelites crossed the Red Sea on dry land. God provided food and water for these people and took care of them at every turn, yet they complained and sinned against God.

But don’t we do the same thing? We find things not going our way and we begin to complain. Now, I’m not saying that you can’t ever feel down or sad or upset about a situation. After all God is the creator of all, including our emotions. We just can’t live there and we can’t forget who God is. I’m also not saying that every situation you encounter is a result of something you did wrong. Sometimes God has us on a road for some reason we don’t know, but trust me, He has a purpose.

Maybe this is your year of victory. Maybe God has made promises to you that He has yet to fulfill. Maybe it’s taking much longer than you anticipated. God does not want to leave you in the wilderness. He wants to bring you to the promised land even if you don’t see it until Glory.

This year has been hard for our family. So many things have been going on with Witten. We’ve struggled financially. We’ve faced custody battles. It just hasn’t gone the way it seems it should have, but it doesn’t mean this isn’t our year.

No matter where you are today or what you’re going through, God hasn’t forgotten about you. He is still for you. Keep your eyes on Him no matter what. Sometimes He will remove the obstacles around you, but sometimes He will just see you through. No matter what, keep your eyes on the One who is in control. He will lead you to the promised land.

I’ve become that mom. I’ve resorted to bribing my son to sit in the buggy and not scream.

I can remember all the times I told myself I wouldn’t do it. Wouldn’t let them fall asleep with the TV. Wouldn’t skip baths. Wouldn’t let them run around with unbrushed teeth. Wouldn’t bribe them at Walmart. Slowly but surely I found myself eating my words.

I became “that” mom. And I was disappointed in myself. I felt like a failure, but this little boy has changed me and continues to everyday. There’s nothing quite like this little baby who struggles to communicate to teach me so much.

You see, life isn’t always easy for him. He struggles to talk at almost three years old. Walmart is horrible for him and we do what we have to to survive. The screaming can last the entire shopping trip. Spankings don’t phase him. He hardly sleeps, but he loves with his whole little heart. I know that it’s all going to be okay, and he is perfect the way God made him.

It’s okay to be “that” mom. It’s okay if all of Walmart stares at you. Maybe I needed to learn to be kinder to those around me. Maybe when we see “that” mom, we need to understand she is doing all she can to survive.

Im going to embrace being “that” mom!